The criticizer

I had an epiphany today well listening to very intense spiritual teachings. I have cognitive dissonance forming a superego. Every time I confront it I get a burning sensation on the top right side of my head.

noun: super-ego

  1. the part of a person’s mind that acts as a self-critical conscience, reflecting social standards learned from parents and teachers.

my mind punishes me for “bad thoughts”. Literally, it feels like burning. And twisting. It makes me crippled. But this time I fought it well being aware. Instead of flinching, I suppressed the criticism and it got really hot. The superego is now partially reduced. There is now a gap in my mind. 

The criticism mechanism I have recognized in myself since age 12. But much earlier I remember not feeling good enough. My dad hit me on the head when I was 1. Everything has been locked in from an early age. I’ve been unable to feel completely right with myself.

It has also been part of religiousness that made me fear God. But it is having blockages that is the real problem. God is not a blockage but where everything flows through me. The problem is a misalignment physically mentally spiritually emotionally. Somehow it all needs to be redirected.

Energy sinks zap me of power. The criticizer does this by corrupting everything I think so I have to tell myself I was wrong all the time. It is OCD where I can’t drop things. Because I have partially dropped it my mind and body feel flexible. I think I got most of the stored heat out. I can think and not feel worthless.

Why we push God away

We feel that if we take God in we will become unstable and lose integrity. It feels unsafe and sad. So there must have been a failer that brought this feeling about. We came to see God as unreliable in some way. or oppressive.

This is an emotional connection. A Bond, negative or positive.

It is deep in the brainstem. It is where emotional restoration takes place.

If things take hold then God will become real again.

It is pain that keeps us away.

The causality of why God would put us in the position of feeling rejected by him is an effect of the universe. God molds every individual in God’s image. The thing is that the universe reflects God in a gazillion mirrors. Each person will reflect God in a different way. And that means God may not appear to them. Unless they are redeemed. So having God as part of a person is to have reciprocation between the self and the exterior. God is reflecting into the infant through the parents.

It is in the core of a person where God is felt. Because the core is the vortex of the boundary of inside and outside. It is where union begins, to fill the whole body. If God is being sought the correct way is to look inward. God is in you and you are in God.

Stability comes from the inside. Any disturbance is a hindrance. But if felt correctly a person can become calm and able to be at peace which is needed to heal one’s relation with God.