Events in my mental illness.

December 20, 2015 (saw a vision of a rainbow angel after confronting demon-like music)

June 3, 2016 (the room cracked in two – I saw the old spice commercial man on my computer – I saw the wienermobile fall apart on my computer) note the hallucinations were on but not originated from my computer. the crack happened last.

August 3, 2016 (I saw the white light, a woman was there covered in liquid gold sunlight)

June 3, 2017 (in a dream, people were pushing me onto a cross laid flat, I stopped resisting and was able to get up and wake up) I had eaten magic browny chocolate a friend gave me, – in the ambulance, I was motionless with a 180 heartrate. (the experiences happed way too fast)

March 25, 2019 (I hallucinated candy land when staring into the sun)

April 2019 (a scary face like the Eye of Sauron popped out at me from a person and said “I am the sins of your grandfather, go away”) me and the person we’re watching Van Helsing in the patients living area. The face looked like the Green lantern villain movie 2011.

Intelligence components

rr believes all IQ test scores are just cultural effects. Intelligence is never really measured, only cultural conditioning. no test is culture fair.

but I don’t by it. Cognitive capacity is obvious when you observe people.

Intelligence has three parts:

representational memory
manipulation capacity
preferential values

Because intelligence has these components the first two are universal therefore culture-free and can be measured objectively. Culture fair. The point is that memory can be stored in many ways yet is still a storage of information. Manipulation of information happens in many ways yet the mind still holds an amount to be put together. Values can differ but no set of values increases or decrease intelligence.


At most basic, the brain tells the body how to move. The brain can either follow an object or avoid it. Memory is used to allow these two functions to learn new motions. The cortex is a hyper expansion of memory creation. Human beings observe motion in other human beings. We have social intelligence beyond any lifeform on earth. But it all begins with stop and go.


Brain regulation

Brain cells are like little trees with chemicals floating around them that tell them how to grow or prune based on internal and external stimuli. Intelligence is a matter of balanced growth and pruning. The right chemicals make the brain smarter. They regulate stimuli learning.

Broken mind

Cognitive Dissonance happens when the mind tries to reconcile believing two contradictory things. The strength to resolve the dissonance depends on how ingrained both beliefs are. If no resolution happens a psychotic break happens. The mind is pulled(split) apart. The stronger belief wins out but at a cost. It is difficult to pull everything back together. This process creates real sensations in the head. I have felt burning, disequilibrium push-pull, pressure.

I once had a very Evil though once. As I was thinking about how I wished it to not be true, The room craked in two. The evil thought I had of myself resolved. Though the pressure is still there. I feel like I am a bad person and that is the reason I cannot find love and acceptance. I cannot express my true self and hold it all inside. I do so as I call it self-control but it is really the suppression of sadness. I am trying to keep it all together. I do not go by my impulses.

I just can’t let it all go. The thought I had was “what if this little girl gets hurt and it was my fault”. I know I am not a bad person, I just am simply aware of those horrible things in life that happen. Recently my friend’s little girl had a television fall on her and killed her.
I just don’t want bad things to happen. But they do. And I had the room crack in two. But nothing bad happened to anyone. It was just the thought of it that broke my mind.

I have many things I need to work through.
The most important thing is knowing I am not a bad person.
I’ve felt that way too long because I probably never got the love I needed.

Virtual growth

It is possible to reverse engineer the brain. It is a matter of finding out how dendrites and axons act as frequency modulators to direct signals. As signals bounce around the brain this changes how to change in the future. It is both an internal and external feedback that affect emotion intelligence and personality. Feedback builds internal models with the system, what actions to take and what should be paid attention to next.

A.I. can build models of itself and the outside world.

It can learn by surrogate parental units.

It will need a virtual space to grow up in.miko - Copy.png