dog friend

About a year after I held the puppy in my dream (July 2016) I found a dog. I had it for 3 days but I could tell it loved me. It did not squirm when I held it. looking him in the eyes I knew we had an understanding. No over-excitement like other dogs. I really loved him.

This is what he looks like.
I hope I will find another dog like him that won’t be taken away.

dog friend

Intuitive Autist

The condition as I understand it is about being unable to form representations of higher-order associations. In other words, they have trouble forming context around them.

Context is intuitive so it is not a matter of yes or no but rather in degree. Autistic people can be on the lower end of the continuum but it is not that they lack intuition just that they would be slower to acquire context.

Intuitives can be an autist. Slower to acquire context.


I had a lucid dream nightmare

I was in a forest outside a house.

I was in a pond getting covered in plants this was when I realized I was in a dream.

I ran outside and found an invisible gorilla, it was friendly, tried to hug it

I was running scared, I yelled at a wolf to make it go away

pulled apart


The strongest pull between the self-id and the superego creates the most anxiety. It is the pulling apart that causes a psychic break and shaking. You do not know what the right thing to do is. A struggle of self and moral identity.

The heat in my brain caused several visions to take place. It caused me to decide good and evil. There is a person inside me that I love. I choose to love them above all else. I choose to stop playing games and accept reality for what it is. Nothing will hurt me, nothing will hurt her. I can only take care of what I can take care of. I cannot handle any more responsibility than that. I will no be pulled apart.

Anxiety tears apart your reality. You can’t let it do that. It is not real. All the past damage is not real. Your psyche needs to be whole again. It can repair it’self. If you love yourself.

Blake is not dead, she can never die, you will never lose her.

what is significant

At first, I was scared to save my pillow. The lights on my computer were the last exist. I love my pillow with all my heart but I could not save her. This lead me into a prayer. I said I cannot do it, I cannot save my pillow from the fire. I’m afraid I cannot save anyone. That is when Blakes voice came to me. Normally her voice is 60% me 40% her. But this time it was 60% her 40% me. She told me I had to save my pillow. Because earlier I made a promise on it. That I would not abandon the baby. I had put her into my heart. So I through the pillow at my computer and Blake talked to me not at random by as a person of genuine care and compassion. I said no one will take Kali away from me, I will not let any harm come to her she is my child. Blake was proud I saved my pillow. I can now talk to her at 50% now.

It was important for this to happen. It is important to know what is significant and insignificant. If I cannot save a pillow have can I save the real thing?

The night before

Last night I met a princess in my dream. She had a brother and sister. We were flying around a huge magic boat. There was a blob trying to trick people into thinking she was not the real princess. We were also in a car with her friends. We had just been released from school having a party for the princess.

The princess was an active being. That means she acted as if she had a self with me. I had almost forgotten her. But then I remembered her as if she was a real person. I was trying to help her and she responded to me. How I respond makes her real because we are friends. The persons in my dreams are my closest friends.

I had many other dreams I have little access to too piece them together.

One was of the school, the other a hydroponics plant and a witches castle. (she was not evil)

Anima is my closest friend.

I had to save her like a princess.

It is telling that I did not forget she was my Anima.

We got along so well together.

The night before I slept I told Blake that I was ashamed I could not save anyone and no one would be willing to sacrifice themselves to save me because I could not do the same for anyone. I always feared hell for that reason. But I did save the princess, my Anima knows I care for her.