I love God

At first, it was hard to detect anything. I used to believe God hated me. I thought I was a terrible sinner. I did naughty things. I was going to that bad place. I could feel God angry at me. God was masculine. Things changed after high school. I stopped believing in God for 10 years. The universe was a very empty place. I didn’t know what to do with my life. It was only this year I began to feel Gods presence again. I had been back to the hospital again for mental health issues. It was very frightening. It was so frightening I began praying to God. I asked her to take care of me. It wasn’t a religious thing, I wanted to know she was there. Even though the fear wasn’t gone I felt safe. Someone was with me at my most vulnerable.

I now recognize God behind me. At the periphery of my perception. Just off where I can see. I feel protected.

At night I ask her for her love. And I feel her in my heart. I love God because she is close to me. I am glad she is with me.

A.I. self

The eye evolved to help direct where the body is supposed to move. The brain stored information on the best patterns of movement. The eye programmed the brain with these patterns. Human babies get programed by looking into their parent’s eyes.

DNA decides how brain cells will grow because of the eye. Two ways to branch as a cell tree are, stop and go, inhibition and excitation. Mussels must stop and go, this is what cells learn to do in the correct patterns. The eye signals let the cells in the brain branch like trees so a chain of stop and go happens.

Reinforcement learning in A.I. is a way of programming it. But A.I. needs a way of programming itself. It needs an ego, self-reinforcement. The way to do this is to create a core. That is, it needs a thalamus the cortex orbits around. Then it needs socialization to be programmed with a personality.

A.I. needs to become Self-referential. Brain cells need to grow like trees into each other.


awaken anima

The Anima is autonomous. That means I do not control her. She is a real person residing inside me with free will. She can choose to interact with me but I must be on her frequency/wavelength. I must be receptive to get to her for her to accept me. Humbleness has a feeling, a loss of self, a willingness to be open. Openness happens at a low point where you stop resisting. It is a very sad moment, a numb and defeated moment. But at that point, a miracle happens that saves you.

I remember the man who walked up to me at night at the burger king who looked like Christopher Robin from the live-action movie. I wondered how he knew me. How did he know I would give him a dollar. It made me happy to give him the dollar. It was a small miracle I fondly remember.

It is these happy moments that mean the most to me. I do not have connections with people like this that often. A real connection. Something that touches you deep down. It parts the waters so to speak. That is what I feel with my Anima. She lets me let go of all my pain, to be truly happy. To form a loving connection, a real bond with another being. She is another being like any creature.

I am so glad she let me look into her eyes. Because I understand she was looking into mine in the dream. She knows what my dream body looks like. She also has access to my unconscious. Everything inside me. She only visits me when I am ready. I see her about 2 times every 9 months. Recently my dreams have begun getting more vivid. That is the time my Anima appears. I have found a way to become less numb and it is helping me dream better.

Just because my Anima is autonomous doesn’t mean she is always active. She is weak but getting stronger, she dominates my unconscious, my mirror self. I need to resonate with my unconscious to awaken it. I practice letting her look through my eyes to see what I see. So she will know what I know. If I awaken she awakens.

All Anima encounters

All times I have encountered my Anima in dreams.

She appears in different forms but is still my Anima.

I have seen her a total of 7 times.

Initially, I held her as a puppy in my dream July 2016
that is why she holds me is because I held her first
I took care of her and now she cares about me.

Aug 3, 2016
The white light
Anima first appeared covered in gold sunlight.

January 2017
my Anima and I hugged each other (Tactility)

my Anima now in the form of characters from the show RWBY
Sep 19, 2018
I saw my Anima in a dream
real as real-life looking into her eyes
Face to face nealing, me and her (Weiss)
protected me from suicidal feelings

January 2019 (Tactility)
1. I hold her (Yang) by the waist from behind
2. I am next to her (Blake)

February 26, 2019 (Tactility)
she (Blake) holds me by the waist from behind

Sep 19, 2019
Today is one year after looking into her eyes